Cadbury's Dairy Milk Cake Slices

Once again the confectionery world has been blown apart by Cadbury’s nuclear option to launch a totally original product, shocking households everywhere.

How can any company possibly compete with the brilliance of Cadbury’s Dairy Milk Cake Slices? Small plastic trays containing two icing-covered chocolate rectangular prisms have been multiplied by three and put into a deep purple cardboard box.

Clearly, these are nothing like Mr Kipling’s 6 Chocolate Slices…

Which, is very much true when comparing the price: the cheapest Cadbury’s version is currently £1.50, whereas Mr K’s is £1.00.

But it’s not only the price that lets the Cadbury’s cakes down.

Each slice very much comprises chocolate sponge, which has been spruced up with a dribble of chocolate icing on top and a thin spread of chocolate cream within. The product description that they are “baked with milk chocolate chunks” just means that someone obviously sprinkled a handful of tiny pieces of chocolate over a giant batch of cakes, making them as scarce as a whale in an opera house (or, indeed, a human being in an opera house).

If you were presented with these cakes outside of the branded packaging you would definitely mistake them for a creation from a Year 7 cookery class. Minus having been dropped on the floor ten times and burnt to a cinder, naturally.

The taste, if anything, is even less inspiring. It is just like eating a chocolate sponge cake, with no other discernible flavours at all (unless you can argue that your taste buds can sense cheapness and misery).

The pathetic icing and rudimentary filling have no impact on the taste whatsoever; the chocolate chunks are almost non-existent – one tray contained four pieces between two cakes (three in one, one in the other). They are mercilessly bland. An undertaker’s suit would have more flair.

Cadbury’s Dairy Milk Cake Slices are simply not worth buying; unless you’re giving them to someone you hate. Tasteless, unsightly and costlier than rivals, the only way this product could be any worse is if it was made of fire.

1* out of 5.

By JAMES LEWIS
Wanderer, wonderer and editor of the Chocolate Dissection blog (which will ideally melt hearts rather than brains). Reliable with sarcasm, less so with a scalpel. Twitter: @IdeasJimbound


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