McVitie's Flamingo

Manfred Mann love a flamingo. They fill their Pretty Flamingo song with accolades of being a glowing, pretty paradise.

Who knew that a tower of pink fluff could be so alluring?

It’s a similar story in Stoke where the bold birds float beautifully through the streets, wafting their wings in the faces of walkers and filling them with unimaginable euphoria.

McVitie’s have now plucked probably many thousands of them from wildest Africa and stuffed them into a chocolate bar, which they have called “limited edition” – so if you keep loads of packets of them in ten years’ time you’ll be a billionaire.

The bar I ate contained no noticeable feathers. It did, however, feature a sponge with an almost pink cream on top, all of which are capsuled in milk chocolate.

The sponge was rather tasteless, really, but it was light and not a stodgy mess. I interpreted that the anaemic cream was the connection between flamingos and strawberry but, although there was some strawberry taste, it was weak. The layer of cream was also discernibly thin, which more than likely explains the lacklustre impact. It was about as effective as I would be in a marathon.

The outer layer of chocolate was thinner than Donald Trump’s skin (and his hair), but at least that allowed it to crumble in connection with the other fillings, as opposed to snapping off in one huge chunk.

But, let’s take a moment to appreciate the packaging. I can only imagine that it will soon be hanging in palaces from London to Dubai.

Sure, the plastic chemicals slaughter fishes. But the design is bright and exciting, using some usually alien concept called “originality”. The drawings are fun and adorable; the name is witty and intriguing – who wouldn’t want to try a McVitie’s Flamingo?

Pretty it certainly is: it’s more alluring than a gigantic pair of cosy, thick socks on an October morning. It’s a flamboyant flamingo.

However, like most flashy things substance is hard to come by: the reality just doesn’t live up to expectations.

It’s an idealistic 3* out of 5.

By JAMES LEWIS
Wanderer, wonderer and editor of the Chocolate Dissection blog (which will ideally melt hearts rather than brains). Reliable with sarcasm, less so with a scalpel. Twitter: @IdeasJimbound


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