“Christmas Dissection”. What an original title. With
ingenuity like that I could be writing EastEnders
scripts and stealing Twitter posts in no time. I have a bright future ahead;
sports cars and palaces here I come.
The idea is that I’ll cover five Christmas-related treats
(that contain at least a modicum of chocolate) in five posts on five
consecutive days. To most this might seem like a weak challenge – but most
people are not me. In fact, scientifically, no one else is me. To achieve this
challenge it requires many hours of commitment, which is harder to find in 2019
than rubies, Reginalds or respite.
First up is an undoubtedly extremely useful review of
Hotel Chocolat’s Roly-Poly Robins.
“Our
solid caramel robins claim they know nothing about the missing mince pies, but
we've noticed them struggling to take flight”, states the jolly packaging. Time
to do some dissecting…
I
actually laughed when I first read that quote – genuinely, not sarcastically.
There’s something curiously ticklish about huge round robins bumbling about in
the garden. Until a cat turns up, obviously; then it’s more like a Game of Thrones scene (minus the
reassuring coffee cup).
The
chocolate robins were certainly rotund in circumference, but in girth they were
thinner than Donald Trump’s hair. Essentially, they were glorified chocolate
buttons.
The
brittleness is made up for in the taste however, because the milk chocolate
majority provided a significant creaminess even more so than the closest comparable
of Galaxy. Out of the blooming pink and red stomachs of the bursting birds seeped
a tangy raspberry and strawberry flavour that added zest to the entire
chocolate.
After consuming a few of the birds I eventually picked up
on a distant taste of caramel, but it was absolutely nowhere near the “solid
caramel” claimed on the packaging. In fact, it’s one of the weakest caramel
flavourings I’ve encountered, making it an odd choice to brag about on the
product cover.
The silliness and cuteness is probably more relevant in
this product than the actual chocolate itself, which in many ways should fit
the Hotel Chocolat purpose of being perfect gift ideas; they are too adorable
to eat and would more than likely make partners, parents and children alike
blub with affection.
The maker itself has already claimed that these birds can’t
fly, but they’ll live a hearty life before natural selection takes over: 3* out
of 5.
Review by JAMES LEWIS
Wanderer, wonderer and editor of the Chocolate Dissection blog (which will ideally melt hearts rather than brains). Reliable with sarcasm, less so with a scalpel. Twitter: @IdeasJimbound
Follow Chocolate Dissection on Twitter (@ChocDissection) and Instagram (chocolatedissection)
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