When I think of millionaires the thoughts that come to my
mind include massive wealth, huge properties and cars faster than light itself
(not forgetting incredible arrogance, obnoxiousness and orangeness).
It would therefore seem final that I am more than several
pennies away from millionaire status – appart from the obnoxious bit,
obviously. You morons.
Clearly McVitie's lack the knowledge of my universally understood
millionaire definition. It would appear that they are confused between riches
and rags.
This is perfectly displayed by their caramel millionaire's
slice, which is without shadow of a doubt the world’s smallest confectionary
product. It might even be the world’s smallest thing. Amoeba undiscovered
beneath the seabed and Katie Hopkin’s self-awareness all tower above McVitie’s
millionaire's biscuit.
For once in my life I have [someone who needs me] at
least uncovered a caramel item with actual, visible, living caramel in it,
golden like a pristine summer sunset.
On top of it there was a deeply satisfying smooth swathe
of milk chocolate; underneath, a thick and oat-y shortbread base that indisputably
fitted the millionaire formula.
To taste it was very much what you would expect from an
evidently cheaply made mass-produced product: filled with health-busting sugar,
dry and overall underwhelming. Just like me.
All of the uncomplicated ingredients did actually produce
tastes of their own so it wasn’t exactly like eating straw; but then again it
wasn’t exactly like eating a three-course meal at an expensive Paris restaurant
either (not that I’d actually know what that’s like – although I am partial to
the odd barrow of straw).
Honestly, it’s extremely challenging to understand just
what interest the absurdly rich would have in McVitie's’ concoction, other than
to laugh heartedly at its peasantness. Perhaps it’s simply an elaborate ploy to
harvest charitable donations.
Don’t beg me for mercy: 2* out of 5.
Review by JAMES LEWIS
Wanderer, wonderer and editor of the Chocolate Dissection blog (which will ideally melt hearts rather than brains). Reliable with sarcasm, less so with a scalpel. Twitter: @IdeasJimbound
Follow Chocolate Dissection on Twitter (@ChocDissection) and Instagram (chocolatedissection)
Return to homepage and read more reviews.
Comments
Post a Comment
Please post your comments here