Wetherspoons’ warm brownie and ice cream

Wetherspoons: good for a cheap night, but what about a sophisticated meal?

Have you ever tried to feed a lion?

I haven’t either; but if – for whatever reason – I had to, I’d probably take it to a Wetherspoons. The food is pretty cheap, served in huge quantities and the pubs are always full of really tough, burly blokes who look and act just like lions.

Or liars. One or the other.

Unfortunately, because Wetherspoons has an app (that, rather surprisingly, actually works) it means that puddings are always an essential – because they’re just too easy to order. Sadly, for lions at least, human legs are not an option on the dessert menus so I would have to sacrifice my own for the greater good of not allowing a ravenous lion to prowl the streets of Stoke-on-Trent.

It wouldn’t get much meat off the Monkey Dust users, anyway.

I chose a warm brownie and ice cream for my post-meal treat. It cost £3.40, which is probably the most anyone has ever spent in a ‘Spoons in one sitting.

For my financial sacrifice I received (apart from an annoyed staff member, obviously) a brown lump with a white blob.

Having gained some experience of detective work through social media snooping, I was relatively quickly able to deduce that the brownness was the brownie and the whiteness the ice cream. Both were drizzled in thick chocolate sauce.

The brownie was a small affair for the amount it cost. “Warm” is probably a fair term to describe it because it was cold at the extremities but hot in the centre. Just like me. The outer edges had a decent crust that was neither too hard nor too soft; the innards, on the other hand, were very squidgy and gooey, probably because the brownie had been heated up too much. Still, microwaves aren’t an exact science.

It did appear to have been vaguely flavoured with chocolate, however; as well as providing the thickness necessary in anything claiming to be a brownie.

The ice cream was really just over-frozen water, consisting of absolute blandness. It was almost inspirational to discover an object less interesting than a golf commentary. It just goes to show that cheapness actually does have a cost…

Without wishing to upset any Wetherspoons’ regulars (assuming that they’re still able to read at this time of the day – 10:30am) it was a disappointing effort from every student’s favourite pub chain.

Final review rating: Wetherspoons is a long way from taking back control of culinary expertise – 2* out of 5.

Review by JAMES LEWIS

Wanderer, wonderer and editor of the Chocolate Dissection blog (which will ideally melt hearts rather than brains). Reliable with sarcasm, less so with a scalpel. Twitter: @IdeasJimbound


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