Thorntons Classic (88g bag)

Could this be a bag that contains more chocolate than wind? The answer is probably fairly obvious. 

It is my view that assortments are great things. Lots of differences, variations compiled together to create a comprehensive, inspiring and detailed overview.

Obviously, not everyone would agree with that. Populations, for example, are an assortment, yet not everybody believes that to be a good thing. It would be far better if we all toed the line because heaven knows what might happen if someone provided an alternative perspective? It could even be useful.

Chocolate assortments are somewhat less controversial (most likely because everyone just gobbles them down within five seconds of tearing off the painfully inconvenient sticky tape). Seemingly aware of this (or perhaps scratching a tiny itch to back the environment by using less packaging – even if it is nasty plastic), Thorntons’ grab bags of mixed chocolates from its Classic brand provide a handy solution to the guilt of gobbling festive boxes.

Eight full-sized chocs were included in the bag, including the actual full range of flavours advertised – a massive shock, so I guess that my cynicism of the world is completely unfounded. I should have paid more attention to my positivity course.

Gooey Caramel: well, that oozed with stickiness so we can be pretty confident that that fitted the bill. It was reassuring to consume some caramel that hadn’t been portentously tarted up (and ruined) by being salted. Then followed a Creamy Fudge that had a pleasing vanilla flavour and was bereft of any of that tiring chewy nonsense that would have turned it into a monstrosity on terms with a nuclear war.

The Tempting Toffee was descriptively untrue because of the same fears around having to use my teeth to crush food for an insignificant length of time; however, despite its whiff of toffee-ness, it had a paradoxically upsetting result that was caused by a definitive lack of necessary toughness. The other caramel offering was the Nutty Caramel, which bore no resemblance to nuts or craziness whatsoever so was a complete fraud.

Because I have some weirdly human habits, I always like to leave the white chocolates until last. The Crunchy Praline was slithered with white chocolate on top and countered with a milk chocolate base, as well as being sprinkled with bitty things (hazelnuts, maybe? I hope you are satisfied with the highly accurate insights you have waited for). That choccy did have a nutty resemblance that mixed in wonderfully with the soft innards.

The final variety was Strawberries and Cream which was a sphere of white chocolate covered with pink hundreds-and-thousands and contained a light pink centre of softness. Quite sweet and equally refreshing, it made a deserving dessert in a meal of puddings.

The small bag of Thorntons Classic chocolates released a surge of surprise that punctured the eternal greyness of current life with a brief, happy and generous beam of light. Quality with quantity, but without the price tag.

Final review rating: like Beethoven, Chopin and the Electric Light Orchestra rolled into one – 5* out of 5.

Review by JAMES LEWIS
Wanderer, wonderer and editor of the Chocolate Dissection blog (which will ideally melt hearts rather than brains). Reliable with sarcasm, less so with a scalpel. Twitter: @IdeasJimbound


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